Really wished that my old journals can be found again in my old home! Please still be in the drawer i put you in! Please. 

I would say my journal for these past 3 years might be very boring bear in mind that there was nothing special going on in my life. 

Well, maybe the occasionally crush on a Japanese guy or another random dress i wanted to buy. 

But there is no emotion in it. I did not experience any guy and friend to be emotional like that as when i was 15 or 16. So i would really appreciate every feelings i have noted down, that worth remembering. 

JL.

Matsuda Shota

This was the hair style of Matsuda’s when he’s filming for HanaDan Seaon 2 and it is the best on Matsuda. A lil bit messy on the front and long at the back. It makes him looks like a handsome rich guy. And his ear ring is a plus.Ah.. I fall in love with him.

This is when he’s filming for Liar Game. It somehow look OK on him but it is not a good “OK”  though. This makes him looks so mysterious and he’s too busy to manage his hair. It suits for the Akiyama Shinichi role, with too much of plans, the brain is turning too fast. Plus,  he’s just out of the jail too.

This is the worst. It’s when he’s playing the Nishikado Soujiroh role in Hanadan Season 1. and the film is his second drama in his life. I don’t know what the stylist was thinking to give him such a hairdo. he doesn’t look rich at all to play as Nishikado. He looks like just graduate from high school, trying hard to look cool.

Next.. Matsumoto Jun. He changes his hair style the most often in Arashi.

To me, i think this look the best.. Ta Da~

Middle long yet messy. I love his hair like this the most but he seldom keeps his hair style for long. change too often. Although this is the best hair style of Matsujun to me, he still look good in different hai style, of course, it’s because of his good looking face.

Still, there are some of his hair style i don’t really like, it doesn’t match him in any way.

With the feminie long hair, Matsujun looks like a weirdo.  Not man enough.(Sorry to the fans, i’m fans of Matsujun too)

He doesn’t look good in too-short hair too. Perhaps we cannot say “not good” , just “not suit”. So, too-short hair “not suit” for Matsujun too.

Long curly hair is “not suitable” for Matsujun.

But , somehow, short curly hair suits him than anyone else when he’s playing the role of Domyouji in HanaDan.

Flat hair is the most unsuitable hair style on Matsujun, at least, to me.

NEXT, is my second favourite in Arashi. Ninomiya Kazunari.

I seriously don’t like Nino in such short hair, showing this forehead like this. This make him neither look cool nor ‘rich’.

He does look smart in his role in Ryuusei no Kizuna. Middle long hair, parting his hair to the side.

However, Too-long hair which cover his ear doesn’t look that nice on him too.

The best hair of Nino is short yet didn’t cover his forehead in VS Arashi when they’re playing golf. I forgot the date and couldn’t find nino’s pic on that day. Will update again as soon as i found it. Sorry

Sadly, i just saw him with that hair once or twice, he didn’t keep the hair for long. 

As for Ohno Satoshi, he didn’t change his hair often. I think his hair in Maou is the best. Long and black.

I don’t think he looks good in short and dyed hair. Though he kept his hair like this for quite some time.It makes him look dark and small. Not mature enough for his age.

Yamashita Tomohisa

W often says flat hair is never an option but Yamapi says the opposite and still looks hot with it.

The changes of Yamapi’s hair don’t have big difference. they’re always straight anf flat.

There’s once his hair get permed. Erm.. i don’t think he really suit him like it suits Matsujun.

He looks cute in cliped hair too.

That’s all for today. To be continue……….

I watched this drama out of wanting to waste my time. It was kinda boring during the first 4 episodes but things get exciting and more interesting onwards. And now it’s my most precious drama.

Iwase Ken, being called as Kenzou by his childhood friend, Yoshida Rei who he admire sine elementary school. He couldn’t find a his so called perfect time to confess his love to his girl , even till the day the girl gets married.

This drama says Kenzou was given a chance to back to the past to redo things again. Throughout the entire story, the dialog that they had, the background music, the expression on their faces, are still so close to my heart.

I thought a lot while moving on with the episodes.

IF i was given a chance to change something back in the past, what actually i want to undo? IF i was given a chance to change something back in past, will i have to courage to do it anyway?

Seeing what Kenzou did to change something bit by bit, it made me understand that we, seriously, need to put effort in any relationship to make it, at least, lasts. We can’t always be the passive one. Passive people who only wait the relationship lasts only got one thing is waiting for them, one thing only – wait till their relationship fade. Nothing else.

I was such a person. Being passive and waiting the boy to do all thing and seldom doing things back in return for him to drop hints to him that i actually love him too. Guy is lazy to guess and they’re bad in it. To ask them to actually guess a cool girl’s heart, they rather turn their direction. Except that he will kill himself if you disappear.

Kenzou was hardly lose Rei for the rest of his life. He got the chance to go back to the past, but do you? We’re living in the realistic world and there’s no such thing as ‘going back’. We, human being, can’t undo anything, i mean ANYTHING.

So what should we do?

Grab the chance and never let go. Never.

Look we gotta talk
Dang I know
I know it’s just
It’s just…
Some things I gotta get of my chest alright….
Yeahhhh…
Whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, whoa…
Listen..

Baby come here and sit down, let’s talk
I got a lot to say so I guess I’ll start by
Saying that I love you,
But you know, this thing ain’t been
No walk in the park for us
I swear it’ll only take a minute
You’ll understand when I finish, yeah
And I don’t wanna see you cry
But I don’t wanna be the one to tell you a lie so

[Hook]
How do you let it go? When you,
You just don’t know? What’s on,
The other side of the door
When you’re walking out, talk about it
Everything I tried to remember to say
Just went out my head
So I’ma do the best I can to get you to understand

[Chorus]
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
‘Cause if I don’t you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don’t feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it’s not you, it’s me
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it’s hard but I gotta do it,
And it’s killing me
Cause there’s never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Girl I know your heart is breaking
And a thousand times I
Found myself asking, “Why? Why?”
Why am I taking so long to say this?
But trust me, girl I never
Meant to crush your world
And I never
Thought I would see the day we grew apart
And I wanna know

[Hook]
How do you let it go? When you,
You just don’t know? What’s on,
The other side of the door
When you’re walking out, talk about it
Girl I hope you understand
What I’m tryna say.
We just can’t go on
Pretending that we get along
Girl how you not gonna see it?

[Chorus]
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
‘Cause if I don’t you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don’t feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it’s not you it’s me.
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it’s hard but I gotta do it,
And it’s killing me
Cause there’s never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can’t do it
I, I just can’t do it
Listen to your heart
Girl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can’t do it
And sometimes it makes me wanna cry
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh [4x]
Do you hear me crying?
Oh, oh, oh [4x]

[Chorus]
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
‘Cause if I don’t you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don’t feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it’s not you it’s me.
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it’s hard but I gotta do it,
And it’s killing me
Cause there’s never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

[Chorus]
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
‘Cause if I don’t you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don’t feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it’s not you it’s me.
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There’s never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it’s hard but I gotta do it,
And it’s killing me
Cause there’s never a right time
Right time to say goodbye

Started noticing this guy after watching the drama named ‘Absolute boyfriend’. He was starring as Asamoto Soushi, a member of a family with a famous family business, ASAMOTO. I didn’t have good impression of him at first, with the weird hairdo he had, that make the worst. He those guy who only rely on his family to have everything and he just playing around, wasting money but who cares? Since his family was so rich. Things change as time passing, he’s not that bad after all and he’s cute. I wanted him to be with Riko, instead of Night-kun. By the way, i still not yet finish watched the whole episodes of the drama. Waiting my friend to save it for me, line so bad somemore make me can’t watch in on Crunchyroll. No matter how many times i watched the drama again and again, i still love it and of coarse, Mizushima Hiro is the one who attracted me the most.

i checked him up on net and guess what? He’s 180cm tall ! No wonder i’ve been attracted by him! Tall, big eyes, fair skin, messy hair, are the specific physical characteristic i looked from a guy and he had it all, it’s hard for me not to fall in love with him huh? Well, he’s a actor and model, how could i get near to him to know his personality well? If there’s some miracle……..

hiro in purple

i love him in purple. hehe

It’s a shame that it had to be this way
It’s not enough to say I’m sorry
It’s not enough to say I’m sorry

Maybe I’m to blame
Or maybe were the same
But either way I can’t breathe
Either way I can’t breathe

All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way

I’m alive but I’m losing all my drive
Cause everything were been through
And everything about you
Seemed to be a lie
A guiltless twisted lie
It made me learn to hate you
Or hate myself for letting it pass by

All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way
All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way
Were better off this way

And every, everything isn’t only
What it seemed so hold these
Words that you never told me
Its time to say goodbye
Its time to say goodbye
Its time to say goodbye
Goodbye

Bye

Take my hand away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong

Take my hand away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong

Take my hand away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong

(And so on)

** This is my current favourite song. This song sings out my current mood, and the words i wished to say. And i hope he’ll know.

I used to give out my heart easily but i don’t know what’s in his mind and i guess, i’ll never know it. I hate the feeling of ‘ i need you so much’ but yet he’s doing the completely different thing to you. Instead of treating you the better, he will just ignore you. But come and think of it, or this is just my own problem? i know i can’t be ‘just friend’ with him, maybe he expected me to be ‘just friend’ to him. i know i can’t. No matter how many times i tried, i just can’t. The ‘sweet ‘ words that he used to say to me, make me think it a little bit further. It’s just a mistake after all. i should blame myself, i guess.

Everytime he stopped finding me after a ‘ i need you very much’ , i felt like i’m being fooled by him. Furthermore, ‘guys like to taste many kind of girls before exactly knowing which girl they like the most.’ This sentence direct the selfishness and the foolishness of his. taste? what taste? if you’re really like the girl, you won’t thinking about other girl. there’s no such thing as taste. ‘Cause you can never finish taste all, there’s too much of girls around and i believe that the one who can state this sentence out is not committed themselves in one relationship. So this type of guys should be kicked out and throw into the dustbin.

I rather he doesn’t find me at all again. I don’t want to face him, don’t wanna talk to him, and for better, i don’t want to see him again. Let’s just be say-hi friends. By this, we will not end up hurting each other. I don’t think there’ll be any good ending happen to us too. I’m sick of you. and thanks for everything

Just home. Finished showering and brushing my teeth. Today is a real bad day.

First, my friend hates me for nothing. She’s always like that but end up is only a misunderstanding. A misunderstanding that is created by herself. … Well, misunderstanding or not, I’m not really care. Ya, i appreciate this friendship, so much. She’s kinda good sometimes, just cut of the ‘too emotional’ that part. Laugh, cry, smile, moody, angry, she can does these all in just few minutes, or seconds. There’s enough thing for me to take care of, i don’t need a troublesome friend to mess things up or to created some problem to let me solve, without any particular reason. That’s the main point. She’s doing the same thing again and again. Who can actually endure with that? But there’s some good thing of her, she angry easy, friend back easy too. I actually don’t need too much of energy in order to cheer her up but sometimes it’s just too much for me. I’ve been thinking the same thing many years ago, after my spm and the trip to kk, we better keep a distance.Not too far, not too close either. I think that will be better, much more better.

Here comes the second damn thing of my day. I have a terrible hair cut today! I almost wanted to kill myself when i’m looking at the mirror! Damn Kenny.. I swear i won’t let him touch my hair again! Maybe i should learn my lesson from my previous haircut i had from him but i thought it was my fault for not instructed him clear enough. But now, i knew it’s not my mistake, is him! Whenever Micheal not around, i’ll choose not to cut than letting him to destroy my hair! I’m in anger!! It’s only two weeks left for my Leo installation night, how could i go with this hair on my head? T.T I’m thinking of hair extention but that really cost me a lot. I guess it takes almost RM200. How could i afford that? since i spent so much on my Leo night preparation. Haih… i’m dying.

But luckily, my night badminton practice still not bad. That makes me feel better.

With the presence of Hy, i won’t feel being isolated. ’cause his skill of playing badminton and mine are almost the same so we played happily together. Told me about his personal stuff, asked me some questions, let me put on his shirt as i didn’t bring my own. i appreciate them very much.
But at the same time, i met him too. I mean, another him. We don’t look at each other actually. I think he must be overheard my conversation with Hy. Whatever it is, I don’t care. Whether I’m his ‘important’ person or not, it doesn’t matter now.Just do what you like, man. ‘You’re my only listener’ ‘ You’re one of my close friend, one only’ ‘ i only can talk to you about this’ they were fake although it sounds so nice. You’re telling me all this just when there’s nobody you can find? What the hell is that? huh? How could i trust you over and over. Stop playing and fooling around and acted like I’m the one should be put on blame aftermath. I’m getting sick of this. Before knowing the real answer from him, i choose to leave as he always pushing me away, especially when he thought that we were too close. OK, enough, and i’ll walk myself away, needn’t your help.

I think it’s goo enough right now. Without contacting, without being ‘too close’, without arguing (’cause we are not talking at all!), Everything will be just fine this way. What could better than this though.

So, continue